Ed Byrne on wedding planning

As the man says, you wouldn't understand unless you've been there.

(Start from 2:45)

The life of a PHD... in GIFs.

Some of these are brilliant.

I was Ayn Rand's lover

Posted this on twitter a few minutes ago, but I've just stumbled on the best piece of satirical writing that I have read in ages: I was Ayn Rand's lover by George Saunders.

Seriously, and while I usually prefer 57 page monologues like any red-blooded male who likes his philosophy dispensed in the guise of fiction, you really should take five minutes out of your day to read this little gem. A snippet:

Not many people know this, but I was once Ayn Rand’s lover. That’s right. The year was 1974. I was a fresh-faced seventeen-year-old, she was a prominent international author—and we were lovers. By “lovers” I mean: we were constantly raping each other. Well, first there’d be a long speech. Usually by her. Then we’d gaze deeply at one another, and our souls would begin speaking the only language a man and a woman ever need: the language of mutual self-benefit.

And, after our poor hero gets jilted for a younger, stronger protégé of greater conviction (Paul Ryan!):

[T]here I was, back in my sock-smelling bedroom, listening to “Photographs and Memories” by Jim Croce, feeling like a total dork. Or, as Ayn might have said, a “parasitic whining parasite.” 

Too good not to share

File this under the "Unintended hilarity" section. 

Via Ryan Coetzee, I see that South Africa's beloved Minister of Sport and Recreation, Mr Fikile April Mbalula, MP, has written what can only be described as the most exquisitely verbose press release of the year.

It seems a crime not to reproduce the statement in full, but I'll just give you the first third as a taster. Before doing so, however, some additional context is that the national football side (Bafana Bafana) has just recorded it's first victory in African Cup of Nations. Not only that, but in doing so the team scored its first goals in about four games.

Statement By the Minister of Sport and Recreation South Africa, Mr Fikile April Mbalula, MP, On the Occasion of the Media Conference to Congratulate Bafana Bafana: 

We stand here this morning as a proud and confident nation imbued by the resounding thrashing, walloping and gregarious defeat of the Angolan national football Team in Ethekwini by the our astonishing and call-heading warriors Bafana- Bafana, the crown jewel of the nation of the most popular sport in our country and the world over. 

Like true warriors and combat ready soldiers, our national Team turned the misfortune of being denied goals in the warm up matches and first game versus Cape Verde [Population 500,585 - Ed.] into a promising and pending festival of goals during our last game against Angola. You the people of South Africa headed the clarion call: 

To support our Team in the spirit and dictum of Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela (Seaparankwe) our national hero and international icon when he said that leaders and winners show the stripes of their true colours not in conditions of easiness but it is through difficult circumstances that a real leader emerges and survive. As we have come to know and acknowledge that social condition throw up concrete circumstance from which leaders emerge and chart a new a path into the future. 

To this day we know that the nation was disappointed and dismayed that Bafana Bafana were not resolute and determined in our quest for excellence and for quality and thus succumbing to foreign tendencies of negative media reporting and being bullied on the social networks. Not that they were not patriotic, but, it was a sign of not accepting the fact that in sport there is lose, draw or win. But your characteristic of a leap of hope and faith in our national team and never die spirit gave rise to our deep understanding and personification of the adverb that - "birds of the same feather flock together" and which propelled our Team to the 2 - 0 victory in our last game against Angola. 

After all you remain a constant reminder to the national Team never to abandon a sport code that is an oasis of hope, livelihood and symbol of nationhood to us and billions of people around the globe. 

To this extent your wish and hope that Bafana Bafana must win came through two days ago and for the reason that prompted Chief Albert Luthuli to pronounce at his life time and age that the Tempo is quickening- Asijiki, Siyaya phambili.!!! The Cup will be hoisted aloft by President Jacob Zuma and will be delivered to our people as a symbol and meaningful contribution to the quest for peace and unity of purpose amongst Africans here at home and in the Diaspora.

I score that an 11 out of ten for enthusiasm. I am also very pleased that, like an good ANC cadre, our dear minister does pass up on the chance to make reference to Nelson Mandela. Genuinely loved and admired as he is, I'm sure even Madiba would be bemused by the never-ending appeals to his authority (and the tenuous circumstances that these usually involve).

As a final aside, I've little doubt that Mr Mabula's dictionary was in flames by the time he finished composing his statement. But... "gregarious defeat"? In the spirit of Inigo Montoya:

Why do we pay tax on plastic bags?

Because here's why:



Forget the environment. This flagrant disregard for personal space must end!

Homeopathic A&E

Following Monday's post, which touched on the murky world of alternative medicine... South African comedian, Warren Robertson links to a brilliant Mitchell and Webb skit, "Homeopathic A&E":

Bryce Lawrence Reffing Flowchart

A little bit of Friday awesome

That is all.

Have a good weekend everyone.

Finally...

The academic paper that you've been waiting for! Zombie guru, George A. Romero, teams up with Columbia statistician, Andrew Gelman, as they seek to answer the question that plagues us all:

How many zombies do you know?

Using indirect survey methods to measure alien attacks and outbreaks of the undead.

Abstract:

The zombie menace has so far been studied only qualitatively or through the use of mathematical models without empirical content. We propose to use a new tool in survey research to allow zombies to be studied indirectly without risk to the interviewers.

The text is actually funnier than the abstract, including some great lines. ("But mathematical models [of zombie outbreaks] are not enough. We need data.")

The first zombie film that really hooked me wasn't actually a Romero original, but Zack Snyder's "remake" of Dawn of the Dead. Perhaps the best opening 15 minutes of a film you're likely to see. And if we're talking zombie humour (though I suppose all of Romero's films are tinged with dark laughs throughout), then I'm scoring Shaun of the Dead way above Zombieland.

The Winchester

Cover Thursdays - Instrumetalist edition

And, yes, I did mean to spell it that way.

Just got some time to squeeze this in before a self-imposed deadline... I feel it's high time we had something a little different here at the Corral. "How different?", you ask.

Well, how do some head-banging -- though possibly epileptic -- cellists grab you?



Okay, perhaps you're not impressed. If so, then I'm afraid to say that this next clip, featuring the (multi-talented!) comedian Bill Bailey, may not sway you either:



Well, I chuckled.

An oldie, but a goodie

Happy Easter, everyone.

"To the Moulin Rouge Dancers!"

That little beauty of a subject line is the title of an email that I received today. The message itself reads:

Dear [XXX]

You all were FANTASTIC on Saturday night!!!  I can't thank you enough
for the time, passion and artistry you contributed to the evening!  It was
so thrilling to see how you all transformed [XXX] into the Moulin Rouge. 

Your energy and joy filled the room every time you entered. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Well, it's certainly not every day that I get such a glowing review.

Alas, I cannot claim this one. I actually get these emails fairly often as my name (and hence email address) is very similar to someone apparently heavily involved in Boston's amateur theatre scene.

I used to send my apologies and explain the case of mistaken identity... But as it kept happening, I've since just decided to embrace it. At least this way I get to keep tabs on what's happening in Massachusetts art house scene.

To my (almost) namesake, whoever you are: Keep up the good work!

Lady Marmalade
o-[-<

Quick links - History Repeats Itself edition

Some things that I've been meaning to write about, but short on time[*]...

1) A heavily fancied South Africa bombs out during the knock-out stages of the Cricket World Cup. As I wrote on facebook: "Wait. I've seen this movie before." Or, in the endearing words of Yogi Berra: "It's déjà vu all over again!" (In related news, the ever reliable Zapiro brokes little sympathy for the apologists.)

2) Speaking of déjà vu... South Africa's favourite electricity monopoly, Eishkom Eskom, has covered itself in glory yet again. This time, serving up "a comedy of errors" that ultimately resulted in a massive explosion at a key power plant. The end result: Expenses of R3bn ($440m) for the company - thanks tax payer! - and a "severely compromised" national electricity supply. Seriously, is there anyone left who believes that we can delay the move to a competitive power market any longer?

3) More promising news is that South Africa is finally set to hike water rates in a bid to secure desperately needed investment for ageing infrastructure. A.F.T, as far as I am concerned. If you don't charge people rates commensurable to the cost of supplying water, sooner or later you won't be able to supply anyone at all. Or, as I commented: "To speak some 'economese', we need to charge water rates equivalent to the long-run marginal costs of providing it." You can see some of my (brief) previous thoughts on water pricing here and here.

4) I'm less optimistic about the Chinese command-and-control approach to water management, as officials announced plans to reduce water use per unit of GDP by 7%. I share the sentiments of many in thinking that water will ultimately prove the defining barrier for China's continued growth explosion, which has thus far come at a very large environmental and health cost. That the government has pledged a 30% reduction in water consumption (per unit of GDP) over the next five years is a start. Like any good economist, however, I maintain that they'll have to get prices involved if they want to make real improvements in water conservation over the long-term. (Having said that, and while I much prefer the market mechanism, the Chinese have been successful in their stated aims of reducing energy intensity thus far... moderate as these may be in reality.)

5) And now, for something completely different:



Alan! Alan! Alan!... Al! Alan!

I also enjoyed this:

"What was the answer?"
"Spatula. They're just making them up now."

[*] That, coupled with the fact that I was somewhat overzealous at both the gym and (later) the bar over the weekend. I can still barely straighten my arms. Walking around like a hungover T-Rex. 

The Castle: "It's the vibe"

Yesterday, I mentioned The Castle. If you haven't seen this Aussie comedy gem yet, I advise you rectify the situation ASAP. Your life will be better for it.



Tell him he's dreaming!

xkcd - Beliefs

Can't believe I missed this one...


HT: Lou Grinzo

Fancy a cruise?

This gets better and better...

It's like watching a tennis match with humans and chairs.

I enjoy how your man at the front desk is acting all chilled until he gets sucked in as well. Also, see if you can spot big stripey guy from 0:20 make a swift cameo again at the one minute mark.

Movember

Anyone out there doing Movember?

Movember (the month formerly known as November) is a month long moustache growing charity event held each year to help raise funds and awareness for men’s health.

Having started in Australia seven years ago, Movember has grown to be an international event, taking place in six countries. This global expansion looks set to continue with demand from Mo Bros and Sistas around the world wanting to grow moustaches and celebrate Movember in their own countries. 

Movember is about bringing back the moustache for a serious cause and sees Mo Bros, supported by the Mo Sistas in their life, register at Movember.com and then start Movember 1st with a clean-shaven face. They have the remainder of the month to grow and groom their moustache, whilst raising funds and awareness. Each Movember we challenge men to change their appearance and the face of men's health by growing a moustache. The moustache is our ribbon, the means by which we raise awareness and funds for prostate cancer and depression in men programs.

Having grown a "mo" for the last few years, I have to admit that I'm not sure whether I'll be partaking in full this year. Apart from the fun of doing it with friends, there's safety in numbers for these things... which made it much easier to do when I was living in London and Cape Town. (While many Commonwealth countries have embraced the MOvement (zing!), Movember has yet to take off in the Nordics so I was pretty much all on my own last year.)* 

:'(

Still, it's a great cause and I'll see whether I can persuade some of my European fellows to embrace a return to looking like real men...

* Despite the lack of support, I will say that I still put out quite a beauty last year. Here's a little snapshot of Telemundo heartthrob yours truly in full mustachio mode:

Why, hello there ladies...

Look inspired by my 2009 MOtivation,  Brian Fontana from the great Anchorman:

Quote of the day - Fish

Speaking of life in the oceans...

"Sharks are just evil bastards. I'm quite happy if all the sharks just went because they eat fish and us. And we need the fish."

- Eddie Izzard

Izzard is a genius... quite possibly my favourite comedian. The above line is taken from his performance at the 2006 Secret Policeman's Ball (the fundraising event for Amnesty International)... I'd highly recommend his 2008 appearance as well if you haven't seen it. (Some NSFW language.)

Quote of the day

Well, more chirp of the day, but let's not split hairs here.

So sharp...

NMTB hasn't been quite the same since Simon Amstell left as regular host, but still a great show.